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“You want to tell me what’s on your mind?” Miranda asked, stepping out of her flip flops. “I’m okay.” “Come on.” She patted the bench beside her. She’s fairly young, and maybe the best teacher at our school. I like her a lot, and as the coach of the swim team, it made sense that she and Kylie would have a special rapport. “You’re twisted up about something, I can tell. You can do much better than you did this morning.” Kylie reluctantly sat down and hunched over. “Anything you tell me stays between us,” Miranda assured her. “I’ll help you if I can. I need you in top form. I know you have a lot on your plate with the council and everything.” She waited patiently. “I did something weird and I don’t know what to think about it,” she said. Miranda looked curious. I was curious too, though I felt truly terrible about listening to this. This wasn’t like my usual inadvertent voyeurism. Watching people have sex in foolish places is one thing, listening to them spill their guts was. ” I have. Even now there are doubts hanging, lingering as if I had not put my entire existence into her happiness. Begrudged heart separated from how it all began. I slowly came to the realization that it was out of my hands. “I do love you.” I reiterated my stance. To be shunned and castrated from your life-love demanded more than just soft words and idle threats. Yet I still cling to inane attempts at saving face or dreams “I love you,”- how foolish that must sound to the strong and the bold. “I love you,”- yes goddamn you, I wish I had never spoken those words. I found myself smiling with embarrassment and humiliation. Yet I still dream- even now- there are no escapes from my prison. I am forced to move forward and never, ever look back. For my passions are not lighthearted in nature, neither are they lacking in enthusiasm. And for those of you that dismiss my endeavors with not so much as an acknowledgement, I say to you, we are of one body and one soul bounded throughout.
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